I'm Hurt

U, everytime saya tgk awk tucked in ur shirt and put on your cufflinks, this sentence always fly in my mind, i can't help it. I try to forgive n forget but i can't?

As I dried my hair, I told him about my little rendezvous last night and he listened while he tucked in his shirt and put on his cufflinks. I treasure our mornings, the hours before the evils of the world start to crawl under our skins and spoil our day. I can't help but notice the man that he has become. He has matured and changed. He wears nice clothes and gets professional haircuts. I’ve almost forgotten how he was like when I first met him.We were just teenagers back then. Ever so willing to learn and experiment on every little thing. And sometimes we cross that boundary. But we didn't care. Our youth was our playground. And we had fun. He was my best friend and I was his.He was young and passionate. About life, music, love, literature. He smiled and he cried. and I was there for almost all of them. At times we will go on our drive through the night and there were other times when we would sit at the staircase of our faculty block for hours talking about pain and heartbreak. We learned to love and appreciate the little things in life. We made promises to each other and swore to grow old together."When we're old, we'll take a stroll on the beach and I will push you in your wheelchair""How come I have to be in the wheelchair and not you?""Hmm... I don't know...”I watch in silence as the girl he adored broke his tiny heart. It was painful to watch at the time, but adorable in retrospect. He would be sad and I would feel helpless. He would cry and I would be there for him. We learned to trust no one else but each other.and then we loved.“I can’t not have you in my life”“I told him about us.”“and?”“he asked what it’d be like without you… if you complete me”“what did you say?”“I told him you do”It was trying at first, before we got comfortable in our own roles. Sometimes too comfortable that we took each other for granted. Years passed by, we grew together until one day we grew apart. I can’t quite put a finger on the exact time that happened, but at the back of my mind I knew this relationship was like a fragile house of cards.I was desperate for human connection, so I smothered him. he was desperate to please and never hurt. soon we began stepping on each other just to surface for air… to survive.
“Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely,with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your handand squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You mayhold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that.Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely toremain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationshipslips away and is lost.- Kaleel Jamison (the Nibble Theory)”But I know he loves me and that’s all I really needed to know.These days he looks like a little boy lost. The face he used to have back when we just finished school and tried to figure out which path to take.I know we need to breathe and grow and make mistakes so we can learn to pick ourselves up.
“You don't fail if you fall; you fail if you don't try to get back up.”Today, on what would’ve been our 6th year anniversary, I want you to know that I will miss you dearly.Fly lil birdie. I hope you find home.